Lost

My poetry book Decade is almost done. I have been compiled all the poems I can finds that I have written over the last while into a book. Of course there are more, but they are buried deep in boxes amongst many, many notebooks and drawings, so I will save those for another book.

I just found my little notebook, which has about eight poems in it and am currently typing these up, then I will be ready to have my book edited.

I love telling stories, and I love writing poetry. My poetry isn't that solid and I do want to learn more poetry skills and learn about form and structure etc one day, but for now, this is just a bout expressing what is in  heart, and purging a lot of the pain I've had to deal with.

Lost

Once we lived a golden life,
Hand in hand,
Side by side,
But now You've moved on,
And I have nowhere to hide.

The sunshine came in,
casting light upon all our shadows,
You saw my pain,
And turned away,
You said,
'Nothing matters.'

I lost you so long ago,
But only just realised,
You said you still loved me,
I thought,
I saw it in your eyes,
I should of believed you actions,
And listened when you lied.

You walked a tangled path,
Of thorns and weeds,
They smothered you,
And you could no longer see,
Me.

Your eyes they no longer linger,
In love filled gazes,
Nor does your heart beat,
With the craziness,
Of love's unique beat,
And I no longer,
Fall at your feet.

One Year Today

One year today,
I walked away,
Not knowing this is where I'd end up.
I longed and prayed you'd see how you disrupt,
me, how you corrupt,
the happy days of sun,
that your anger it,
allowed no one,
To shine,
but only confined us,
to nothing-
ness.

I walked away,
confused,
betrayed and used,
hoping you'd see,
waiting,
longing for you to find remorse,
but of course,
Only,
Came nothing.

The year,
it has been long,
So much has changed,
as have I,
but you still seem stuck,
and I forget why,
I ever loved you...

Never Really Loved

I thought that we would be forever,
A love that was stronger than any pain,
But I was wrong,
and if I refrain,
for a moment I can see,
looking back,
it was quite easy,
to see,
that your heart was never really true,
You doubted from the start,
I knew,
I felt it,
You admitted it,
But I loved.

You looked me in the eye,
You said, 'I can do this,'
deep down, I wondered.

Everyone said, Your so lucky to have him,
like I was a burden.

Like a Mother isn't worth loving,
Like a mother isn't good enough on her own,
she prowls the night looking for her next victim...

my intentions were pure,
I just wanted love,
I saw something in you,
that made me feel at home.


I though that you were strong,
And stoic,
You were just cold and frozen,
 And know  know it.

Never will I allow myself to be fooled again,
I'd rather die alone, than let that sort of pain,
enter into my heart...


For really what is love?
I've never had it for real,
so how can I miss it anyway?

Missing what i thought I had?
What exactly am I supposed to feel?

Battleship

Battleship

I gave you too much credit for far too long,

I thought that you were different, that you were the one.

But you never saw the tears I cried, or the hurt in my heart when you lied,

The absence of a compliment meant everything I did was wrong.

I heard it all, everyday, nothing was right, if it wasn’t your way…

Now you wonder why I walk away…

You can’t feel my pain, you don’t feel your own emotions,

I held on when I was drowning, now that’s devotion.

I felt myself losing grip, it was you who sunk my battleship,

Now the stories already written,

I’m broken but I forgive you, for my own sake, my own peace mind,

Nothing much ever came from two people being unkind.

Despite my agony, I tried to understand, but you never saw past your own misery.

I never got a word in, you always wanted to be heard, you changed so much,

I don’t recognise you, it’s absurd.

I think that I held onto the image I once had of you,

The laughter in your eyes, when we first fell in love,

To my sad surprise, your kindness died,

And I was left with your shell.

You plunged me into Hell…

You can’t feel my pain; you don’t feel your own emotions,

I held on when I was drowning, now that’s devotion.

I felt myself losing grip, it was you who sunk my battleship,

Now the stories already written,

I’m broken but I forgive you, for my own sake, my own peace of mind,

Nothing much ever came from two people being unkind.

Yes my heart’s worn and weary, my eyes red and teary,

I wanted  so much for you to be, my prince charming,

But I knew maybe this one, is a battle I wasn’t meant to win,

I hope and pray, you find peace one day,

And in my heart you’ll always live.

Let Go

Photo Credit

They say you can’t tell a man you love him,

You have to inspire him to step up to love’s call,

But the inspiration’s all run dry,

And there’s no crack in his wall.

And the paint pots are empty,

The colours have faded long ago,

Your crayons are smashed,

Your brush is dry,

Deaf you are to a lover’s cry,

True love’s patience you’ll never know.

Lingering in the shadows, I feel your presence,

Is it love gone bitter, or pride and ego,

That keep you trapped?

The world is a colourful palette,

Waiting to brighten your vacant soul,

Your shades of grey, they are you, faded,

Keep out the colour, as long as you maintain control.

I held a candle burning bright, I protected the flame,

I cared for it, and keep out the wind,

But it was all in vain.

The moment I turned my back,

You blew it out with vigor,

But now, I’m on the outside,

No longer will I linger.

A ghost of who your were, dances somewhere in my mind,

But even he is fading fast,

A memory lost to time,

Slowly the leaves are returning, to the deaded branches of my mind,

Laughter can be hard again, and its sweet sound is so sublime,

I close my eyes and let in the sunshine in, as it kisses my once cold and vapid face,

I learned to let love let me go,

But hope I forever will embrace.

Me, Myself and I

I love cute illustrations. I've always been fascinated by illustrations since I was a child,and I always thought I'd grow up to be an illustrator. Somewhere along the way though, I discovered my love for the written word, far outweighed my love of art. 

I do however want to study art in some capacity,even if I just borrow a book from the library and or have online drawing lessons, but for now I am content getting my books out and working with illustrators.

You can't do everything,but you can try lol.

I had this drawing down a few years back fro my blog pic, and here's my new one I just got done.

I'm totally loving it and will be updating my blog design down the track, as time, and funds allow.

Children's Books-Roger and Chi-Chi

I'm really excited to finally starting to bringing the ideas that I've had swirling around in my head for a very long time to life! I've always known I would be a writer and an author, but I've put my dreams on hold to raise my children and now that they are older, I am finding I have the time to finally do this!

I've got lots of short stories and idea in boxes that I am beginning to wade my way through and bring to life :)

Roger the Brave is based on a short story I wrote when  was about seventeen, and there are about five other short children's stories that I wrote at the same time.

I'd really given up trying to do much with them, and while I can totally draw myself, I lack the fundamentals of depth and proportion to create and recreate the pictures I want. I hope to one day illustrate my own work, but that requires practice study and learning how to use design programs, and I am not ready for that yet.

 But now I can see my stories coming to life through the work of talented illustrators, it makes my soul sing and I know I'm living my  purpose!

I am hoping to have these books ready for publishing within the next three months on Amazon Kindle. I'm not completely happy with the font, but these are just rough mock ups, and will get someone to help me with that. If it takes me longer to publish, that's ok, I'll just keep ploughing away at it, but I know that you should never give up on your dreams :)