34

My 34th Birthday was amazing. I've had my share of birthday disasters, and it's been a hard road for me to find friends over the years. Not because I struggle to make friends, but because I've been quiet isolated due to my circumstances.

Being a stay at home mum can be quite lonely, that's why it's so important to get out and join things like playgroup, but then add on top of that special needs, homeschooling and stress which lead to poor health, it's a recipe for isolation.

I'm not saying that homeschooling or special needs or any of that stuff causes you to be isolated, it simply increases the chances. I cracked under the pressure. I wasn't in a supportive marriage, and it just crumbled. My life crumbled.

So anyway, I have been very lonely for a long time, and it hasn't been great. Now that I have moved back to my hometown and I feel as though I am finally starting to rebuild those connections that are so important for good mental and physical health.

FRIENDS ARE NECESSARY FOR YOUR HEALTH!!

Life flows in seasons, and I had a season of hardship and isolation, but through it all I grew and became stronger. I now know what I want more and what doesn't work.

Anyways, getting back to my birthday disaster...one year, not so long ago I invited a shit load of people to my birthday party at a Chinese restaurant and literally only three people turned up that weren't related to me and these people were people I wasn't even that close to.

I realised I didn't have a gang, I didn't have a tribe...and I felt so pathetic and stupid and just humiliated.

Another year I was planning a Alice in Wonderland type 'Tea Party' Birthday and just before my birthday my boyfriend dumped me and then my party feel apart, because I felt humiliated and I couldn't go on with it, and half the people coming were his friends.

I don't want to get caught up in expectations, perhaps that's where my fault lies, that I expect too much I have been told. But I don't think it's wrong to expect happiness on your birthday! To expect the people that love you to give a shit.

People treat you how you allow, and you get what you ask for and what you put out. If someone doesn't care and can't be bothered and you always give them everything, then it's time to move along. It really is that simple.

I love to celebrate everything...anything is an excuse to be happy, so why not? Who say's we have to stop celebrating life just becuase we grow up? I'll celebtrate until the day I die..life is short and it's the happy memoriess that make it worth living for.

So my 34th birthday was the best birthday I have ever had...

The day started off with a lovely breakfast my friend cooked for me and my sister, he does this all the time, he holds a thing called 'Breakfast Club' were all get together every holidays and have Brekkie with our group of friends, and anyone else who cares to turn up. It's great. It's kinda like church dinner, when your on your own, it's so important ot stay connected.

Then that night we had a party, and a bunch of backpackers turned up on a mini bus and a bunch of the local boys from Vanuatu also turned up. It was a costume party, but of course not everyone dressed up, but there was heaps of dancing and laughs, and in compassion to every other birthday I've ever had, that was by far the best party and best birthday ever.

It didn't matter that I didn't know half the people, everyone was friendly and seemed to enjoy themselves.

I was alittle overhwlmed to be honest I couldn't believe so many people were there :)

I've been so depressed for the last two months, as I relised  my marriage is over and I'll be getting divorced soon, but the past three weeeks has shocked me out of it. I'm still going to have bad days of course, that's life, but I feel so gratfeul to have such beautiful people in my life and know that I finally have a group of friends that get me and I belong too.